I am so glad that I didn’t have a job during the first few months of my sobriety. For starters, I don’t think I could have gotten sober as a high bottom and having a job- having a way to support my habit- would have just prolonged my drinking and using. But it also allowed me to completely focus my energy on getting sober, staying sober and doing healthy things. So, as with every other period in my life, I have grown out of this place in which it is okay to be unemployed.
For starters, being twenty-seven years old and having to ask my fiancé for money any and every time I want or need to buy anything freaking sucks. It makes me feel like an asshole and it puts him in a shitty position as well. I mean, shit, he is only thirty-one and although he has financially helped me in a most selfless and generous way, I’m sure supporting his other half wasn’t on his list of things he was just dying to do. The whole self-esteem thing aside, I have some things I need to take care of- specifically, my teeth. I’ve written about this before… I have a dentist who I am confident in, but the amount of work I need done is pretty extensive, although you wouldn’t know it from looking at my front teeth (fuck you methamphetamine). This is something I need to take care of before I go to teacher training in mid September. The last thing I want to do is pay 11 grand for teacher training and end of having to leave before I get certified because of something with my teeth.
So, what all this is leading up to is this:
I got a job!
I’m going to be waiting tables (not bar tending) at a really cute restaurant on Pier 39. It is called Pier Market. I cannot express how grateful I am to have gotten this job. I actually have my orientation this Friday at ten in the morning and, according to the general manager who contacted me this morning, will be starting my training next week!
I know that eight and a half months ago, with my alcoholism raging and totally addicted to meth, I was absolutely unemployable. It is crystal clear to me that the only reason I am being afforded this opportunity is that I am sober.
So, short term goals are:
1. Get through training and orientation at new job
2. Work hard and prove myself as a good, dedicated worker
Mid term goals are:
1. Work with my dentist to get my teeth fixed
2. Continue my regular, dedicated yoga practice
Long tern goals are:
1. Register for Bikram Yoga Teacher Training
2. Leave for LA teacher training in September
The best part of all of this was when I talked to my Mom today and she said something to the effect of, “You are setting goals and taking real steps in the right direction, Ash”.
I don’t think I have smiled that big in a long time.
I k ow I am a total stranger but I am SO proud of you. Sending light, encouragement and kickass strength!
Thank you so much!! Reading this was such a great way to start my day!
Congratulations, and good luck in your new endeavor!
Thank you so much!! My orientation is this Friday at 10am and I woke up this morning sick as hell… Should be interesting to say the least!
I was so touched by your site. Your honesty and straightforwardness are refreshing. Sometimes I get tired of reading all of these sites where the persons whole life is just bunnies and sunshine. I quit smoking in December of 2010, but of late have fallen of the wagon a few times. I really like smoking so the whole “it’s not good for me” makes only a partialy convincing arguement. Because of a spinal cord injury I am permanently going to be on drugs, and one of them ate all my teeth so I now have dentures at 47 yrs old! Fuck that makes me mad!!!!!! Good luck getting your dental work done and I hope yours turn out better than mine did! I don’t know how hard your journey to become sober has been but I am glad that you are doing it and I wish you the best possible of all things in life. Ok I have rambled on long enough now, thanks for a great blog!
Thanks so much for your comment!! I spent the evening in the ER (I have bronchitis and possibly mild pneumonia) and it was so awesome that when I got home, there it was. I can relate on so many levels. I don’t dislike smoking either- in fact, I love it. Even though I know it is bad for me and every time one of those commercials where the lady with the hole in her neck comes on I feel like I am going to vomit, there is something particularly spectacular about a cigarette when i haven’t smoked one in a few days. When I can really taste it and feel kind of dizzy from it. The only problem is, when I smoke one, I smoke the rest of the pack and each cigarette gets less and less enjoyable… Ugh. I have had some serious slip ups with smoking, but I’m still trying my best to me more of a non smoker than otherwise.
I can’t imagine having an injury that required me to be medicated like you described. And to be honest, you being so candid about your teeth literally made me cry. That is exactly how I feel! My constant feeling is: “I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS!!” and even though I am proud to be sober, it is just fucking awful going to the dentist to get an exam/estimate and having to explain how my teeth got this way at 27.
Anyways, sorry that was such a long response… Thank you for your support and for sharing that with me. It meant a lot.
I hope you are over your illness. I am glad my note was helpful to you. I am fighting the cig craving so bad today! Afraid I’m gonna lose as the evening goes on, are your cravings worse in the evening? I hope you are being able to stay sober and get on with the rest of your life! take care of you.
So glad to still hear that you are doing so well. You really are working very hard to be a better person and it can’t be easy but you are doing it and I am proud of you for it . Keep up the good work . Your quilt with us friend.
Ashley,
I hope all is well and you are busy with your job is going well. Please let us know how you are doing.