Alright. It’s for real this time, so I think it’s about time I said something about it.
I quit smoking.
I have quit for nine days now (after smoking slightly more than a pack a day for over ten years) and let me tell you one thing:
I can’t believe Brandon is still with me.
Holy God. I have been such a horrible bitch. I mean, horrible.
And its the worst kind of bitch. I don’t want to be shitty. I don’t want to be angry. All I want is a cigarette. But then I feel it like a low level of magma inside of me all the time. The Nicotine rage just boils. And then it flows right out of my mouth and I feel like I am watching a train wreck or something from about a block away. I cannot stop the bitch. Jesus. It is horrible.
I have spent a lot of time holing up in my house watching Law and Order reruns and trying not to create enemies by going into public. I think it is working so far…
I haven’t even worked on my quilt because whenever a little snag comes about I just fucking lose my mind. I had no idea how attached I was to a freaking package of rolled up tobacco.
That being said, I am stoked I’m quitting because I know this will pass and all this shows me is how much I was truly altered by smoking. If I am this angry and crazy without cigarettes, I couldn’t have been my true self while under their influence.
Still… Coffee is not and will never be the same… Ever.
I also had some reassurance of my progress when on Saturday I nearly lost my freaking mind and ran to the store, bought a pack and lit up a smoke. I only smoked half of it- IT TASTED HORRIBLE. So now I know, there’s no going back.
Once I have gotten a few pieces of Nicotine Gum in my system I think I’m going to start back quilting today.
In other news, my job at the cafe ended so I am no longer having to wake up at 5:30 in the morning (thankyougod) and I am super excited to see where this is going to take my yoga practice. I have been so exhausted from getting up early that everything I’ve been trying to execute lately has pretty much suffered.
Although it was going to be a surprise, Brandon figured out what I got him for his birthday:
A skydiving lesson!
I first saw this ‘Google Deal’ for kayaking, which I thought would be kind of cool (I imagined Ferdinand in a little vest and goggles), especially if we did the sunset trip, but when I went to purchase it the application failed. I kept clicking “checkout” but it never charged my card. Annoyed, I switched devices and tried to look it up on my iPhone and the first thing that popped up was sky diving… Yup. I knew that was it. Ten thousand feet in the air. I was worried Brandon would be like, “umm… Hell no.”. But he seems super excited. I actually can’t wait to post the pictures from it! (too bad it’s not until the 12th). Maybe next time I’ll go with him!