Okay, so maybe that is a little harsh. Let’s go with very sick individual.
You know, one of the things (among many others) that didn’t cross my mind while I was engrossed in the important and all consuming task of repeatedly sticking needles in my arms was how much it really costs everyone for people to be junkies and alcoholics. My sponsor talked about it the other day and it really made sense. Millions of dollars on ambulances, ER visits, jails, institutions like psych wards come out of the tax payers pocket. And if that isn’t close enough to home for you (or me), I recently had an extremely frustrating experience.
My phone was stolen while I was speaking at at AA meeting.
All of my AA contacts, all of my notes for my work with the non profit I’m working for, all of my pictures and quilting documentation gone.
And although I don’t know who did it, I have a general idea. And frankly, it doesn’t matter now. It is gone. I’ve called my insurance and the ball is rolling to get a new one. It just sucks and really got me thinking more about this disease that I’ve got. I never stole in that sense, but I certainly wasn’t reliable when it came to returning things (especially when I borrowed clothes- just ask my Mom). It feels really good to be able to borrow something now and know that I won’t keep forgetting to return it or just not return it at all because of some core knowledge of value being lacking within me. AA has given me that understanding.
So, that aside, I did find a little relief in the gratitude lists I have been keeping- at least I have those pictures!
As far as my quilt goes, I have to admit something:
I am not squaring this thing off. Fuck it.
My apartment is in boxes preparing for the move and moreover, I am just not interested. The squares themselves are squared off and today I had “the moment”… The moment of fuck it. I am sewing the borders on without squaring it off and I keep telling myself it will be okay. I am trying to eyeball it.
Seriously- there is a massive difference in the amount of work required for a baby quilt as compared to a queen sized quilt. I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir here, but I thought I’d let you guys know that I’d figured that out. And gained some respect for those who do square off these kind of massive quilts. Good god. Much respect.